Depression is a metaphysical ailment that debilitates a person from attaining a livable life. The key emphasis is “life”. For all intensive purposes (I always wanted to say that in a sentence), I would much rather see myself stiff underground, decomposing and being in eternal sleep. But I have not yet found myself, at a level of completion where I could confidently greet death. To me, I do not want to die because of depression, or because of life being unbearable. I want death to be something special, something complete, something that I welcome with open arms. My goal in life is to be in eternal rest, but at this point in my life, I am not confident in presenting myself over to death.

“The Satanist decides of his own life and death and prefers to go out with a smile on his lips when he has reached his peak in life, when he has accomplished everything, and aim to transcend this earthly existence. But it is completely un-satanic to end one’s own life because one is sad or miserable. The Satanist dies strong, not by age, disease or depression, and he chooses death before dishonor! Death is the orgasm of life! So live life accordingly, as intense as possible!
-Jon Kristiansen, Metallion: The Slayer Mag Diaries, p. 569

I like to live by this philosophy, with the exception of being a satanist, I consider that contradictory to my life. All the same I think I am in 100% agreement with the aforementioned quote.

With this all being said, I find one of the greatest deterrents of depression is exercise. Now I am not going to be full fledged into this, like I have been in the past. And I am not trying to being physically fit by aesthetics of the human body. I am trying to just follow a simple set of principles, and try to achieve strength gain, and not be concerned with diet, looks, weight etc. A unhealthy approach to a healthy life style, a contradiction, most would say. But my abilities are efficient, and I am not debilitated in any way, this is not to get me out of some kind of obesity or  life obstacle that prevents from be able to physical do something.

So starting today I will begin a process of weight training, mostly barbell, dumbells and will do pushups and dips. I will follow the 5×12 plan, and in the case of pushups, 4×30, and try to reach 500 pushups daily, and all the while do some kind of weight training for arms. Eliminating situps and any kind of cardio, I will get my cardio from work, and my daily routine of walking. I am content with having a fat gut, I really don’t care about looks as I said before. I am doing this only for mind, and well being. Trying to curb depression, and get stronger.

 I think the workout culture, and “muscles” is pretty effing gay, but I am more concerned about my well being and a healthy mental life. I will try to follow some simple principles, and maintain an active work life, as well implement simple exercise goals that will be easy enough to accomplish my  daily life. Adios.

About Trevor Markiv

wandering the cosomos trying to blast galaxies and find the stars.
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