Death after death

It wasn’t brought to my attention until I’ve played several hours of a game, and I realize how many deaths and attempts I make to survive. It was then brought to my attention how this correlates with my actual life and existence. While in this physical life we only have one life to live, I do think that in the nature of Christendom we are living on many different of lives and must suffer to our flesh. It’s never a once and for all reality, but a continual and diligent process where we suffer and deal with our flesh. I think Paul exemplifies this well in the scriptures.

So much like these games we play, we do die many deaths but it’s with the mindset to get better and not suffer from continued defeats.

Today I am grateful for the friends and people in my life who can tolerate my continued battle with self and flesh and help offer me an opportunity that I extend to others. In a life filled with limitless potential it’s a relief to have the continued support and sympathy of others.

Goodbye to a dear friend squirrel

Goodbye to a dear friend squirrel

I feel like piece of shit for saying this that is because I am, not in the literal sense but in the metaphorical and or abstract kind of sense. Because as a species and a living organism we’re too fucking trapped in our own minds. And social media and the internet and all of it is a big part of the blame, but the big derailment was the covid virus spread that encouraged and put people in this isolation mindset, that did shift a lot otherwise social people into the lifestyle.

Looking at our cities and our environment we need to wake up to pollution and toxic waste. We need to figure out ways to help harvest our environment. Not destroy it and rob it. I think. My outlook lately has been on too much finger pointing and hating. I need to wake up to the fact that this life is valuable, and it deserves to be loved and shared and helped for not destroyed and abandoned and hated.

Working a shit job that sucks, and with this heat its really easy to lose your shit and get angry. And we have to be aware of that and be considerate and loving and understanding. As best as we can. Because life is above all the highest goal and achievement.

This week has been burdensome to me, because now I am seeing that I am doing too little and expecting too much. I need to live by my means and not overextend my boundaries. In these coming weeks and months, I hope to develop more into my disciple and character and start to mature and help myself, but most of all help others.


Sharing in the suffering of Christ

Sharing in the suffering of Christ

the normal christian life

the normal christian life

I am finishing the “the normal Christian life” by 倪柝聲. He shared a particularly encouraging story that I thought I would copy and write to you from the book….
“In 1929 I returned from Shanghai to my hometown of Foochow. One day I was walking along the street with a stick, very weak and in broken health, and I met one of my old college professors. He took me into a teashop where we sat down. He looked at tme from head tot foot and from foot to head, and then he said: “Now look here; during your college days we thought a good deal of you, and we had hope that you would achieve something great. Do you mean to tell me that this is what you are?” Looking at the me with penetrating eyes, he asked that very pointed question. I must confess that, on hearing it, my first desire was to break and weep. My career, my health, everything had gone, and here was my old professor who taught me law in the school, asking me: “Are you still in this condition, with no success, to progress, nothing to show?”
But the very next moment—and I have to admit that in all my life it was the first time–I really knew what it means to have the, “spirit of glory” resting upon me.” -倪柝聲, The Normal Christian Life, pages 278 – 279
倪柝聲 and his wife倪柝聲 later suffered and died in prison as a devoted follower of Christ, his last recorded words were written on a piece of paper found after his death that said: “Christ is the Son of God who died for the redemption of sinners and resurrected after three days. This is the greatest truth in the universe. I die because of my belief in Christ.” -倪柝聲.
Never disavow your faith and trust in God. Your reward in heaven is something you cannot physically comprehend on this physical earth. And furthermore, something you will come to know and realize a relationship with Christ IS the most rewarding experience on this earth.
Heterosexual – lifestyle is misaligned and alienated?

Heterosexual – lifestyle is misaligned and alienated?

I wasn’t sure that when I had a impulse or desire to act or respond to it. In fact the necessity to assess the situation would be better facilitated. See the problem I have with homosexuals and this whole LGBQT establishment is that in its presence is this ingrating detail that it derails normal and productive human living. It prohibits progress in the pursuit of doing nothing more than causing a disharmony in the original genetic and organic balance of the world. Life is very simple, we as humans like to entangle and make things more confusing and maddening.

I want a stop to this perverted ideology and lifestyle, I think men and women should have consensual sex as per usual there need not be any more discussion. If a person has an unhuman amount of sexual desire, than they need to be medically treated in some kind of facility that can treat them. This is also where I have a very liberal and misaligned view on drugs and alcohol. Because yes accessibility and distribution of that kind of product would indeed lead into chaotic havoc. People are not responsible enough to limit their consumption.

Scripture reading from my friend Josh

I’ve had the pleasure of knowing this family from a young age. Its been a series of ups and downs, but I would like to think its been more up than down. I wont say their last name, for obvious reasons but they are a large family from my hometown, and I’ve been friends with them for over two decades now I think? Here is Josh reading some scripture. Enjoy.

More Wealth Now
Sleeping Giant

Their sister Hannah does art and singing as well, but I cannot seem to find her socials or web site at the moment. I will be adding their pages to my front page soon. Kind of dry on content lately, so I hope you dont mind this post.

some thoughts and reflection

After watching this video from Jordan Peterson he mentioned something interesting and said $5,000 income a year is sustainable for a productive life. A lot of impoverished, homeless etc. are trying to eat, find shelter have access to normal hygiene is too concerned about that to even consider normal functioning living. I’ve been homeless several times in my life and can attest to this. But I can see a progressive lapse in desperate times in America. So resources and community is something that may not be available as it was when I was homeless. Being vigilant and accepting responsible is essential and mandatory.

I don’t know anything about Konstantin Kisin. But do you think the deceiver and liar of this world would allow a skeptic to easily navigate a religion that requires faith and a relationship vs intellectual reasoning? This guy wants his cake and he wants to eat it too (all for himself no doubt), CS Lewis; said in Mere Christianity, “all the thrills of religion without any of the work”.

This brings up woke culture and LGBTQ discussion, which I find most entertaining. Because one thing that disagrees me with me and my conscious is this hate that I am starting to feel for homosexuality and it disagrees with me only because I am indeed feeling hate. And I know that the foundation of a faith in Christ is rooted in love and forgiveness. I’ve always had the stance as long as your sexual interests don’t affect me than I have no real reason to not accept you as a friend. But I know that on a conceptual and even intellectual level, the bible does inherently illustrates it immoral and as sinful. My heart aches for those who are raped and been assaulted and perpetrated by sexual degenerates. This is a topic and discussion that needs more coverage. Especially considering the jail/prison system houses some of the worst. And how do you reckon a survivor of gay rape cases who then becomes and accept this lifestyle. Or if indeed individuals are born homosexual. I’ve come to like and admire Voddie Beaucham for his views, but I am still uneasy about this.

I always like and enjoy skeptics, atheists and the like having productive discussions with believers of all faiths, because it examines and openly distributes the views. But as anyone knows and has to come to accept Christianity is that it is indeed a relationship and its foundation is in faith and trust in God.

Call it schizophrenia, call it the devil these voices really start getting louder in my head.


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