I got a new phone, its actually a modern one. I don’t even know what I am doing with the thing, but I am sure its going to come in use in more ways than one for me.
It is my internet/phone, so I need to be a little more mindful about data usage. I don’t know if I will milk through the data and its going to shrink back on me or not.
Thing about the last place I was at, was that the internet was great. I rarely had issues with it. In fact in that little over a year of living there, I can count only 2 times where it was bad. And the first time was because of severe weather. And the last time, was well just that… the last time! because it was literally starting to get at its worst the last couple days of staying there.
All in all, I loved that place. But realistically it wasn’t ideal, considering I wasn’t actually attending college, and it was more of an apartment complex suited for students of MSU. There was one gentleman there that I will not name. I confided in him, not unlike any of the other men in that apartment. But he wasn’t honest with me, and I could tell he was starting to become persuasive and almost deceptive.
Add to the fact he has casual sex with woman and then chooses to abort the fetus, and avoid responsibility for his actions. Ive never met a murderer in real life, that I was aware of anyway. He was the first. A otherwise suburban white kid, looked nice and ordinary to the naked eye. But he committed a 187. He would remind me that he was carrying a pistol for whatever reason. That was just the kind of person he was.
I am sure he had gathered “information” or gossip about me. And he made up his mind. And that is OK, but I did genuinely like him at first. (no homo). But his behavior and his inability to communicate effectively, or to at the very least come to an understanding, it was good that he decided be a snitch and go taddle like a schoolyard gossip. Worst of all he was recording me whether it be audio or video, without me even knowing. That is the kind of society we live in today. People do not settle their grievances with their words or fists. They either involve the police or they murder one another. Its pathetic. And worst of all we all monitored and regulated whether it be from the government surveillance or our own community obsessed with the voyeurism and the invitation of streaming and communicating through the internet. Its a huge ball of yarn, and I cant untangle that mess.
Take it from me, if your in a public or in shared housing. You better believe somebody has eyes and ears, because we are all being monitored and surveyed like meat to the slaughter in this world. Its become this way, since covid.
I myself have mental issues, I hear things. From psychosis. I have debilitating bouts of random moments where I hear agonizing voices and sounds and odd things. Disturbing, things I wish would go away.
But I know that these things are not schizophrenia, they are demonic. And from satan. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that this world is a spiritual battleground. A doctor can only convince me of one thing, and that’s to my vitamins or whatever other supplement that will help aid and support- encourage life, ultimately.
A moral compass under God’s command!
I really do like organizations like street beefs, where grown individuals are allowed to fight one another in a semi organized fashion. And settle disputes that are not being overcome with silence. And if it can help the community and make some people money, it doesn’t seem all that bad of a idea.
I am a man, and I do get into moments, where I get a lot of anxiety and frustration, and not even working out feels like much of an outlet. But I do know what the bible says, and murder is a sin. And not only that, we as humans are God’s creation. Learning to love a person is not easy. Especially ones that attack and abuse children or vulnerable and weak people. I wrestle with it, I am certain most do as well.
Defending yourself, and a mutually agreed fight, that is sport. And as long as nobody loses their life, I don’t see the issue.
what goes around comes around
I will tell you what, Ive never squawked on anybody. I will admit, I did on my oldest brother. But that was out of a genuine concern for his safety. For the first time in my adult life, I was actually worried about somebody other than myself. Little did I know, my oldest brother doesn’t actually love me. I dont even know if my other brother gives much of a damn about me. To be honest, the whole family unit has been torn to shit in my bloodline. And I am not without fault for it. It has not been an easy life for me, or anyone else. And yes, as I meet more new people on a daily basis. I am starting to know and understand, that this toxic situation is unfortunately not all that unfamiliar to other people.
And lastly as far as the bogus accusations against me, its dropped and for that I am thankful. And dropped it should remain. But let this be a lesson not only to myself, but to others. This is not a free world. In fact, I almost feel like I am more more in prison in the free world than being locked up. Because in jail at least guys can settle their problems like men.
Our world today has gotten sissy and gay and homosexual. And they are the leading and driving derivative of the downfall of humanity. Its sexual perversion through and through. We all know know about Sodom and gamorroh. God had to wipe out the earth after creation, because the humans were getting too immoral and disruptive. And we are actually living in a very similar situation now.
I was a deprived kid growing up. I was witness to the most awful and obscene media and entertainment at a young age. I saw stuff, heard stuff, learned stuff. My head was a oven from hell, before the age of 18.
Yes curiosity does kill the cat, and for good reason. When you think witnessing dead bodies and death is “cool”, your mind is warped, and mine did get twistedly bad. And sadly enough, I am seeing the byproduct all over youtube now.
These young adolescent 20 to 30 something guys, who have devourment posters and dead bodies and shit. And these hollow head people, think its a glory shot or edgy. Its a human being dead, on a wall. That was a uncle, a father, a cousin or brother… or sister, or a mom. And yes, they might have even done great things during their life like fight for the privileges that we have today. Like even having the ability to live in a free world, where you can share and exploit that slop!
Or in the best case scenario, its a crummy fuck like everybody else right? yea I know preaching to the choir. We really do need to learn about love and respect and civility. Actual humanity.
When I was at my grandfathers funeral. I didn’t feel emotional or grieved one bit. I was almost happy, because to me. I know for a fact that my grandfather made it into heaven, and his battle is over. But when I saw his open casket, I started to ball like a baby. Emotions do that, even my oldest brother of whom I thought had no moral compass whatsoever, he started the water works. And that almost got me going again. Death is not easy, especially losing somebody you love.
Well this went off into many directions, I did not intend or expect. But that is just how writing goes. This isn’t something I learned from a teacher. We all know I am an alumni of the GED elite.
The best teacher is Christ, His life and His wisdom and humanity. And ultimately His free gift of life to those who accept those truths and dedicate their lives and follow Him. You guys with your conspiracy theories and railroad derailment discussions about morality from rocks and slime, it makes no sense! not a lick next to historical texts and artifacts. And world history that supports the Christendom.
Also I am broke and poor. I live off of social security and I would like to get out of debt, and get child support off my back. So if anyone is looking for help, please let me know. Because I am getting to the point in my life where I think I become a benefit to people, and not so much a detriment.