I really had a odd day yesterday. It was something, good and bad. Bad in terms of reality, but good in terms of perspective and understanding.
I found myself getting frustrated and angry with my dad. I had never felt that way before, around my own father. Because my dad is naturally a leader and a person who I look up to for direction, and guidance. My dad left my mom when when I was going into the 4th grade.
He would whoop the shit out of me as a kid, he had a bad anger, but it was rarely seen by me anyway. But if I misbehaved, and or did wrong, I knew my ass was getting a whooping. And as far as language, saying bad words, I have had my mouth washed out with soap. Times were differnt in the 80s and 90s.
I dont fault my dad for any of it. You do wrong, you shouldn’t be surised at the consequence of misbehavior. Today, the justice system doesn’t have any justice. They let the inmates sort things out, and then manipulate the story and narrative that the free world gets and sees.
My time behind the wall, was hardly anything physical, threats and words were exchanged. I did see violence and fights, but with other invidiuals. And honestly, I do think that people who have anger or hate towards a person. Should be able to settle it with blows, but in a controlled environment and with the ability to have medical staff available, and law if things get out of hand.
I have had my ass kicked, more than I have served any real physical violence to anyone. That is a fact. But I will not stand down, to a fight, but I also wont initiatate a fight either. Because I see need or reason for it, especialy not to get a vacaction in jail and prison.
The most disturbing thing to me the last time I was in jail, was that an inmate in there was actually sharing his fond and memorable memories in prison, and how great it is. It made me sick to my stomach.
My oldest brother learned skills and got his GED in jail/prison. He did better himself throughout the experience. I got my GED from a program in grand rapids, and that helped me a good deal. And it showed me, that I have better skills and abilities than I thought. Especially in terms of math.
And God rest his soul, Ryan (a person I met at guiding light – he passed away several years ago, I dont know why or what happened) was a great friend and person in this life. I was happy to have met him. He taught me math, better than anyone else, and he would crack jokes and make fun, but he did it in a kind and friendly way, that didn’t make me feel like was completely stupid. Because my math skills, are not good, at all. I struggle with simple addition and multiplication, and dividing numbers and fractions. And measurements, and decimals. Not only that guiding light provided me a tutor, a man that met with me a group of others on a daily basis that helped show us and help us how to pass the GED.
