Growing up in a home that was by all means and standards was very much a christian home. It didn’t last long, when my dad divorced my mom I was just finishing the 3rd grade and entering the 4th grade. Had it not been for my older sister, and her activity in the church and ministry, I very well could have started my rebellion much earlier, not unlike my two brothers.
I have 4 other brothers and sisters. Two brothers and two sisters, all varying in age, me being the 2nd youngest. I will not go into detail about any of them, for their own interest and not to air out their personal business. And for better or worse, I really don’t have much relationship with any of them. Truth be told, if it wasn’t for facebook, I would very much be in the dark concerning a lot of my family. Social media can be a tool of hate, or one of help. Ive allowed myself to remain on there, because in a odd way it does help me feel almost a part of their lives, even while we are distant.
In concern to the identity of christian, Ive seen just about every walk of life throughout my life. And Ive been exposed to different denominations and different people all together. Throughout all of this, Ive had to navigate life without my dad. And frankly without out my mom really, as well.
After the divorce she was transitioned from home to work. That poor woman still works herself to the bone into her 70s. Where my dad is very reliable and consistent, my mom does exist and is reliable and communicative.
Both of my parents are on different walks and different varying level and degree of faith in God. Are any of absent of the influence and doing of sin? no not at all.
My faith in God and my christianity doesn’t rely on anything other than my faith in jesus christ.
Fact is during my later 20s and most of my 30s, I started to change my worldview and beliefs as I knew and understood God.
I started to less and less rely on God, and started to believe more and more in social and societal standards. I became more and more embittered in drug and alcohol addictions. I was having promiscuous sexual relationships with woman without consequence. Other than the fact that I am now responsible for another human life to this day.
You see throughout my journey life is still happening and going for the others around me. I cannot even know for certain how my path and walk of life has influenced and affected others. Because for most of, if not all of my life, I have lived a very selfish and self centered life.
You see throughout my life, instead of God, I started to rely more on the human and secular level of living and believing. The voices from the movies, and media and art started to be my navigator and my direction in life.
Its odd to me how Christian’s get the standard of living, from people who don’t believe in any of it, at all.
I myself have been very hostile and aggressive against other believers, not because I hate them. But because I knew at that time and that moment in my I didn’t want to get my stink on them. Sin is ugly, and its not something that visibly shows, but its real and it does exist, in the air and atmosphere.
I always liked the story of the Pilgrims progress. Because it shows and illustrates the Christian’s journey and walk throughout life.
If anything I would say the Christian lifestyle and belief in my earlier stages of life, was more consistent with the televangelist’s and spiritual faith healing types. The very charismatic ones. I have a very realistic stance and belief about God and life as I understand it. Its not correct, its not altruistic, its my identity and my walk, exclusively to myself and my relationship to God.
Fact is, I am a sinner, in desperate need of a savior. Even as I type this now, I am not far from clutches of sin and hell. I don’t play the role of ned flanders on a daily basis, you are going to see my sin daily, and maybe, HOPEFULLY you will maybe see Christ.
That verse that I share consistently on my website, 2 cor. 4:11. That verse was shared with me and shown to me while I was living at a homeless shelter. For whatever reason, not much of that place or the lifestyle stayed in my memories, but for some reason that verse has always stayed in my brain.
I won’t go through the trouble of copying and pasting it verbatim from an accurate source, but I will share it as I remember it, and it goes something like: “we who are alive are always being delivered to death, for Jesus sake, so that His life may remain true in our mortal bodies.”
And this to me, is the daily walk. Its dying every day, its winning and losing. Its not staying defeated its getting back up and continuing and knowing and celebrating the life of Christ.
If you want an example for a perfect Christian, its not me or anyone else on this earth. Its Jesus Christ Himself.
Am I a hypocrite? your damn right I am. But I don’t celebrate in my sin anymore, I see it for what it is. Miserable, disgusting and hopeless.
That interview with the man from anti-christ siege machine showed to me, where the church is failing and sin and rebellion is winning. And its contingent on man’s reliability on man and not Christ.
It doesn’t change the reality of hell, or even heaven. And it definitely doesn’t disprove God or satan. If anything it proves the necessity of a savior.
My hope and my prayer is for those in my family and outside of my family, come to a place of peace and hope in Christ. Not for my sake, but theirs.
overcoming man? not possible! gaining the approval of woman, no shot! most days, I am just grateful I had the strength and ability to get myself out of bed. I do want more for my life, than what it is right now. I want to achieve more, and I want to see and do more things. Because I now see life behind a new lens, and new way of thinking and living.
Something my grandfather told me, among all the other wisdom and and things he liked to share and speak about. He said, “you can be a winner in spite of your circumstances, or a loser because of them.”
This world is not interested in your christianity, its interested in your money, your status and your ability to help them accomplish more and to do more with themselves. Its selfish and self motivated.
You hyenas on the internet, wanting to lure me into your shameful onlyfans, good riddance! just stop now with the nonsense, and deplorable shit. Its beyond redundant and not necessary.
My presence online doesn’t attract real people. It attracts attention from people wanting to making money from me. Fact of the matter is, when I started to take serious about making content online, I too wanted to make money. One thing I quickly found it, its really not possible. Not with my credentials anyway.
