My name is Trevor Markiw, I am a 40-year-old man who lives in Lansing Michigan, my date of birth is March 19, 1984. When I was born, I came into the world of a loving a family who was church going and we home schooled. My father worked as a tinsmith for General Motors and mother provided for us 5 kids a life of with school and education and the hope and future of becoming productive members of the world. I will stop here and limit this down to one person, and that will as you have guessed be me.
Growing up was a struggle, oddly enough with math and trying to survive the torment of two older brothers of whom would do some of the most insane things to me, like putting me in between 2 mattresses and jumping on them, while I am stuck in the middle of the bed. And as a group us kids thought it was a good idea, to go make a stew of our swimming pool in the backyard and it became a toxic mess and caused us to have to destroy the pool and remove it.
My father started to drink alcohol, and this was unknown to me, because he was always good to me, and my brothers and sisters. I mean he did have a temper, and he would whoop the shit out of us if we misbehaved, but that is what a dad is good for, discipline and guidance.
Needless to say, with my dad introducing alcohol into his life, and the escalating friction in the home, he was living a double life and had an affair with a woman he met at AA of all places. So, when I entered into the 4th grade, I was pushed headfirst into the public school system, all the while being home schooled and no idea about how the “real” world works.
I did ok in school, I did have troubling moments, particularly with math. I was put into special education for math, because I didn’t ever take it seriously as a kid. I just wouldn’t let myself get disciplined to learn it. And I became very truant and started skipping school and not taking it seriously. But I did eventually get to middle school, and this is where I started to notice the growth in kids came faster for others, because I was just a tadpole in waters with sharks. I was a sensitive and uptight kid, I didn’t how to fight, I got my ass kicked more ways than Sunday, by other bigger kids and it really didn’t do me any good, because I felt like I was always getting overtaken. And so, I started to get depressed and give up. This is when my psychology and my faith in God started to diminish, and I began to cope with life by accepting suicide as a solution. I did wrestle with God and it was apparently clear He was in the midst of my struggles, but I just ignored it or pushed it aside like it was nothing.
A change and transition had to begin, because my life was falling apart, and so we made the decision to put me into waverly schools and I would live with my uncle and aunt and my two cousins. This was a good change for me, but unfortunately it didn’t end up working out, and I went back to my mom’s house and started school at Sexton.
It began ok, but I was instantly pushed into all special education classes, and the teacher was this muslim guy who creeped me out. I did get the chance; to explore other avenues of studies and this excited me, but I let peer pressure and self-indulgence get the better of me. This was also the time when I was introduced to the genre of music known as death metal. A kid in my art class let me listen to some Vader and Slayer cd’s and I was hooked!
This turn of interest into evil things got the better of me, because I became fascinated with death and dying more than anything. My life became obsessed around it.
Throughout this whole experience I was actively using alcohol and any kind of drugs I could get my hands on; I had no moral compass or regard for my health or the interest of living.
I heard of a guy who used a certain combination of pills to kill himself and I attempted it myself multiple times, and all were just comas and long stays in ICU. I became more focused on trying to hang myself, and I actually passed out numb my head about to explode laying limp and ill on the floor. I’ve survived near fatal car wreck. My mom’s car was completely destroyed, and the entire vehicle was demolished except for where I was sitting.
All throughout my experiences in my life I have had audible hallucinations, they are real, and they are not from the neighbors down the street, or the vents, or the radio or random noises, they are real and evident, and I do experience whether sober or under the influence of inebriants. The worst of them, since lately have I have started to read the bible, but that is much more later into my life, but at this time yes, I am bringing it to focus.
I know the medical field will have us convinced that schizophrenia is Schizophrenia – Wikipedia – I will let you draw your own conclusions, I am not going to discuss it here. But I know better than you, that this world is spiritual and there is a battle happening in the mind between oppositions and forces that are happening every day and in this life.
Me being oppressed and under the influence of Satan with the death metal and horror movies, violent video games, everything around me was becoming vocally and visceral and very hate filled.
I started noticing odd things in the death metal world, most notebly Trevor from the band Black Dahlia Murder killing himself, Joe Pteck from broken hope blowing his head off with a shot gun, the singer from Dismember killing himself after murdering another man, and before that we are known to see the chaos and absolute degeneracy of the band Mayhem.
And furthermore, we are no lambasted with disgraceful artists like Anal Cunt, GG Allin and the absolute worst Cancer Christ. And remember the morbid angel show with collapsing building?
And all the while I am supporting and encouraging this kind of music to exist and to brainwash people, and it finally became too much. But that was the iceberg, that got me to change and repent. No, life had to become too miserable and worthless from that.
See now the lgbtq community started to lampoon their agenda of “pride” and enlightening the world of their Brillant degenerate acts of sex on normal, proactive working humans in job fields and professions simply trying to support and live their best life possible.
I was at the bottom, and I realized that the enemy was me, I was the issue I was the problem, but for better lack of words, the complete and utter decay and avalanche or morality and good behavior was being overthrown and lampooned by our very own government and political figures in power.
“For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh.” – 2 Corinthians 4
This verse for better or worse stuck with me, from all my times in sober recovery and homeless shelters, I learned that verse, and it has always been echoing in my mind, it today I am making it my point and call to declare that my life is now handed over to God, and I am no longer a slave to man or the this world, because my destination is death and that is between me and the ultimate judge God Himself.
