It’s not something to easily do or accomplish on your own it takes a lot of patience and endurance to get through work and labor. I know my body starts to ache and pain and my thoughts begin to wander into, “giving up”. But the Lord gives us the ability to accomplish many things and never stumble. I found a song that reminds me of these things, it is by a Swedish man by the name of Oscar Rask, he is the musician for the band Since the Death. Enjoy.
Its been slow around here, I am still looking for new Interviews and need to finish the Klank review.
I feel like piece of shit for saying this that is because I am, not in the literal sense but in the metaphorical and or abstract kind of sense. Because as a species and a living organism we’re too fucking trapped in our own minds. And social media and the internet and all of it is a big part of the blame, but the big derailment was the covid virus spread that encouraged and put people in this isolation mindset, that did shift a lot otherwise social people into the lifestyle.
Looking at our cities and our environment we need to wake up to pollution and toxic waste. We need to figure out ways to help harvest our environment. Not destroy it and rob it. I think. My outlook lately has been on too much finger pointing and hating. I need to wake up to the fact that this life is valuable, and it deserves to be loved and shared and helped for not destroyed and abandoned and hated.
Working a shit job that sucks, and with this heat its really easy to lose your shit and get angry. And we have to be aware of that and be considerate and loving and understanding. As best as we can. Because life is above all the highest goal and achievement.
This week has been burdensome to me, because now I am seeing that I am doing too little and expecting too much. I need to live by my means and not overextend my boundaries. In these coming weeks and months, I hope to develop more into my disciple and character and start to mature and help myself, but most of all help others.
I am finishing the “the normal Christian life” by 倪柝聲. He shared a particularly encouraging story that I thought I would copy and write to you from the book….
“In 1929 I returned from Shanghai to my hometown of Foochow. One day I was walking along the street with a stick, very weak and in broken health, and I met one of my old college professors. He took me into a teashop where we sat down. He looked at tme from head tot foot and from foot to head, and then he said: “Now look here; during your college days we thought a good deal of you, and we had hope that you would achieve something great. Do you mean to tell me that this is what you are?” Looking at the me with penetrating eyes, he asked that very pointed question. I must confess that, on hearing it, my first desire was to break and weep. My career, my health, everything had gone, and here was my old professor who taught me law in the school, asking me: “Are you still in this condition, with no success, to progress, nothing to show?”
But the very next moment—and I have to admit that in all my life it was the first time–I really knew what it means to have the, “spirit of glory” resting upon me.” -倪柝聲, The Normal Christian Life, pages 278 – 279
倪柝聲 later suffered and died in prison as a devoted follower of Christ, his last recorded words were written on a piece of paper found after his death that said: “Christ is the Son of God who died for the redemption of sinners and resurrected after three days. This is the greatest truth in the universe. I die because of my belief in Christ.” -倪柝聲.
Never disavow your faith and trust in God. Your reward in heaven is something you cannot physically comprehend on this physical earth. And furthermore, something you will come to know and realize a relationship with Christ IS the most rewarding experience on this earth.
I am going to make myself vulnerable and discuss and speak about something that has personally affected me for a long time but have never publicly spoken about it. This is not a joke and something I make light of for sympathy or any other ulterior motive. I simply want freedom from this and get back a sense of myself and true identity.
I hear audible voices/hallucinations, they come and go. It happens daily, whether home or out and about. It doesn’t matter what I am doing, they are always around. I’ve been having these kinds of episodes for over 2 decades now I am almost 40 years old. I’ve had a theory that at some point in my life somebody planted surveillance technology in my body, but I am not sure.
I am aware that drugs/alcohol do have symptoms of paranoia hallucinations from withdrawal. But I do not have an addiction to anything.
These voices are too specific and conscious, like a real living person. They respond to my thoughts and consciousness. Whether I say something with my mind they can hear and repeat whatever I think. And sometimes they just speak without reason.
I do take medication, but I am currently on a new medication that I’ve only been using for a short time. I speak to a psychiatrist and get mental health treatment. I may need deliverance from demonic possession, but this is something I’ve dealt with for over 2 decades now.
倪柝聲 later suffered and died in prison as a devoted follower of Christ, his last recorded words were written on a piece of paper found after his death that said: “Christ is the Son of God who died for the redemption of sinners and resurrected after three days. This is the greatest truth in the universe. I die because of my belief in Christ.” -倪柝聲.
Recent Comments