Relationships and respect are something that I stride after, and I want to have and desire for myself more than anything else to get good relationships with people. I guess with my earlier years of life I would just run into any scenario or situation without any recourse or disposition, it was always just my naivety and goofiness that would attract attention. As I have gotten older, I have realized that life is not always about doing fun and silly things just to get the satisfaction from other people. And now I think about Charles Bukowski and hearing him encapsulate this grandeur experience from his binge drinking and chain smoking, and I just think about the decaying and disgusting result he is doing to his human body. From the inside out he is so mellow and enjoyed but deeper beyond the surface he is suffering from much pain and frustration that is life. And this is the rabbit trail I am engaging myself in. Its a dastard and wicked way to look at it, but do not let this fail you in thinking that I have any greater way of conducting myself. I am much of which is the engagement of destruction, and it is at my better misery that I sit here typing this. I want to give back to the community, but I also need to eat myself. And here I am still in this constant maze trying to figure things out.
All this to say, Uberdisko if you’re reading this, I do appreciate you and think of you as a good friend, and I am hurt and personally offended that you will not have the courtesy to respond back to me.
See this is where I see the decline in the internet, because for the better half of it we went on a hail mary do as thou wilt attitude. But now we have this well observed and objective view of ourselves and we are very dismissive to respond in a realistic fashion, because yes this digital transcript will parade and torment you. Get off the gas, say what you mean and mean what you say. Lets stop with the distractions and just let it all out and be free to express ourselves openly.
And at this discourse I am going off in a direction that submits into the hate and chaos and archaic disorder that erodes and collapses our sane rational minds. At the end of the day we all need Jesus and we need His grace and His purpose and guidance to carry us to better days ahead. I do not want be ostracized and isolated because I believe in this fact.
