streaming is fun and it is a “community” but it’s all monetized and incentivized around money. It ruins the fun and the grain and fabric of authenticity in place of greed and status. It’s the catastrophic dichotomy of the internet. And entertainment in general. It’s no fault, in anybody and there is no point in finger pointing but it does trivialize and cause me concern to think about this, because while yes, I do enjoy my hobbies and extracurricular activities, but I am perplexed to think that maybe I need to meditate and think about what God has in opportunity for me? because I by myself am swirling in confusion. And not mention the constant schizoid voices and/or demons and are infecting my brain daily, its intolerable to deal with a lot of things placed in front of me. I do want to put more effort and devotion into building this page into something better, but I cannot benial authenticity. 1st world problems, demand first world solutions… and that might be to get all sloshed or meddle my face in a batter of misery. But no there is hope and there is a path that leads and absolves doubt fear and depression and that is in the convincing and comfortable scriptures of our father God in heaven who has gifted us with the bible, so read it and meditate on it like a great piece of food or savory delicacy.
I am sorry to my fans of apathy and depression, and otherwise self-loathing and determinantal mental gymnastics aside. I am laid distressed at this pedigree of life choices I’m faced with. It’s with privilege and duty that I am offered a life to breathe and exist so that I might share this with you, and I hope in good mood.
My psychology and thinking are getting better, but there is still this disconnect between reality and the spiritual. And or if government conspiracy paranoia is present. It never ends and I may die having this mystery in my mind.