Starvation, pain and support


what kind of unit of weight unit does Ukraine use to measure the amount of body weight a human has?

Я припускаю, що в моєму найсильнішому стані я мав 260 фунтів. Моя поточна маса тіла становить приблизно 140 фунтів. Отже, я втратив досить значну кількість ваги. У мене ніколи не було наміру опускатися до такої ваги, але життя, стрес і багато інших факторів зіграли тут роль.

Гадаю, це само собою зрозуміло, що в Україні фашистський диктатор Сталін змусив голодувати кількох людей. Зараз це загальновідомо і називають «Голодомором».

Я не обов’язково хочу зважувати цю вагу, але в моїх теоріях, які враховують масу тіла та щільність гравітації, це змушує мене мати різні теорії та ідеї. Але я не буду розкривати це зараз.


Please help support and aid Ukraine

Я ненавиджу цю війну, і я ненавиджу те, що відбувається, але я просто хочу, щоб ця нісенітниця покінчила. Тому, будь ласка, якщо ви голодні, помираєте і хочете підтримати благородну справу,

I really must learn this language. But it takes a lot of studying. I will soon get there.



Injuries and Health

torn distal bicep


torn distal bicep

weightlifting accident

Growing up I always admired superheroes and athletes, “strong guys”, Or people with super inhuman powers that could defy the realities of life. All that said, I still found a poignant grip towards characters like the Punisher for example. A downtrodden mad motherfucker who is out for vengeance against the evils that have wronged him. All this to say that I have always focused myself on the human body and physical strength.

Discipline and focus were never anything that I understood or admired. For lack of a better word, I just was not giving a fuck about anything but being a kid and enjoying its pleasures.


So, I remember this scenario in my head when I was younger, and I was driving my mom’s van on a public street, out to get some pizza. Well, I didn’t use my blinker and I charged into the parking lot. When I got outside of my van 2 women approached me and harassed me about what I did. I don’t know what it was about that experience, but it made me feel small, insignificant, even. So, I started pacing around in my bedroom, and developed a plan.

In the beginning it was free weights and calisthenics. Nothing crazy, just simple things in the bedroom every day to make me feel better.

Pregablin for Anxiety treatment

I am writing today because my psychiatrist will not prescribe me Lyrica (pregablin) for my debilitating anxiety. Her reason for not prescribing me Pregablin as indicated by her interest in Medical Journals addressing Pregablin as a first line of medications for Anxiety disorders. I have listed references concerning this, and my findings are satisfactory if thoroughly investigated.

“Pregabalin lowered total Hamilton Rating Scale for Anxiety scores within 1 week and was effective against both somatic and psychic subcomponents.” – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22395254

“Available evidence suggests that pregabalin is effective and well tolerated in the treatment of GAD.” – https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22395254

“Successful treatment of GAD with pregabalin versus placebo and active comparators has been reported in clinical trials.” – ttps://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1345/aph.1Q405

Additionally I was suggested to try Gabapentin as opposed to Pregablin. Any significant research will determine Pregablin more effective in it’s Pharmacology. As Pregablin is absorbed, metabolized and distributed more effectively than Gabapentin.

Pregablin is the successor to Gabapentin and is more effective. Both drugs are indicated as primary usage for Neuropathic Pain. Both drugs are essentially the same.

In conclusion I wish to be prescribed Pregablin for my anxiety, as opposed to Gabapentin. If there can be any credibility otherwise, I wish for a more thorough explanation.

genova gains

Jason Genova the man the myth the legend. An incredible physique, and physique that will never change.


Depression is a metaphysical ailment that debilitates a person from attaining a livable life. The key emphasis is “life”. For all intensive purposes (I always wanted to say that in a sentence), I would much rather see myself stiff underground, decomposing and being in eternal sleep. But I have not yet found myself, at a level of completion where I could confidently greet death. To me, I do not want to die because of depression, or because of life being unbearable. I want death to be something special, something complete, something that I welcome with open arms. My goal in life is to be in eternal rest, but at this point in my life, I am not confident in presenting myself over to death.

“The Satanist decides of his own life and death and prefers to go out with a smile on his lips when he has reached his peak in life, when he has accomplished everything, and aim to transcend this earthly existence. But it is completely un-satanic to end one’s own life because one is sad or miserable. The Satanist dies strong, not by age, disease or depression, and he chooses death before dishonor! Death is the orgasm of life! So live life accordingly, as intense as possible!
-Jon Kristiansen, Metallion: The Slayer Mag Diaries, p. 569

I like to live by this philosophy, with the exception of being a satanist, I consider that contradictory to my life. All the same I think I am in 100% agreement with the aforementioned quote.

With this all being said, I find one of the greatest deterrents of depression is exercise. Now I am not going to be full fledged into this, like I have been in the past. And I am not trying to being physically fit by aesthetics of the human body. I am trying to just follow a simple set of principles, and try to achieve strength gain, and not be concerned with diet, looks, weight etc. A unhealthy approach to a healthy life style, a contradiction, most would say. But my abilities are efficient, and I am not debilitated in any way, this is not to get me out of some kind of obesity or  life obstacle that prevents from be able to physical do something.

So starting today I will begin a process of weight training, mostly barbell, dumbells and will do pushups and dips. I will follow the 5×12 plan, and in the case of pushups, 4×30, and try to reach 500 pushups daily, and all the while do some kind of weight training for arms. Eliminating situps and any kind of cardio, I will get my cardio from work, and my daily routine of walking. I am content with having a fat gut, I really don’t care about looks as I said before. I am doing this only for mind, and well being. Trying to curb depression, and get stronger.

 I think the workout culture, and “muscles” is pretty effing gay, but I am more concerned about my well being and a healthy mental life. I will try to follow some simple principles, and maintain an active work life, as well implement simple exercise goals that will be easy enough to accomplish my  daily life. Adios.